The Scare?

Over Christmas Break I found myself in three different countries and three different cities in a matter of three weeks. Besides my travel buddy missing her travel accommodations, in the rapid change in time zones and rush of traveling, I also found myself missing something very important… my birth control pill!...of all things to forget to take!

Anyway, my vacation and fun continued onwards. Contraception was the farthest thing from my mind. After enjoying my much-needed break, I returned to school ready to tackle another term of long study hours and no sleep. But for some reason the feeling of being re-energized evaded me and I was overly tired and would wake up feeling nauseous (this persisted over 4 weeks). Me being who I am, of course the first conclusion I come to is pregnancy. I took a day or two to calm myself down and tried to remember my last period. This was impossible since I missed so many pills and a fuzzy recollection of the last few months cycle. I told Ben but we decided to wait a few more weeks to make sure I would have missed a period first. I told some of my friends and they had mixed emotions. My friend Paul was probably the most excited, saying that he was going to pray that it was true. Ben and I both had mixed feelings about the possibility of us having a baby sooner than we anticipated.I didn’t know if I was happy, terrified,or nervous. I just kept saying what ever happens, happens. I just didn’t know how to feel.

Of course having a baby while still living abroad would be difficult. But at the same time, maybe it was meant to be. Last summer at the age of 21, I was shocked when I received test results predicting a low egg count.  Maybe being pregnant now would be one of my last chances for natural conception. (My doctor actually told me that if I ever wanted to have kids, to not wait until after medical school). Ben and I made a plan. If I were pregnant,he would continue to work and live in the states to save money for 8 months. Then move here to help take care of the baby. It wouldn’t be easy but it wouldn’t be impossible, and we knew we would have to sacrifice a lot.

A few weeks passed by and the nausea continued.  It was time to take the test. I still did not know how to feel. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life. The results came back negative and I again was pretty much numb. My friends would ask me how I felt, and my answer was still I don’t know.

This brought up a lot of conversations between Ben and I about what the future holds. We reconsidered if waiting until after completing residency was worth the risk. We decided on meeting with a fertility clinic again to reassess my hormone levels. The pregnancy scare started Ben and my plan to having our first child during medical school!

But for now, I'm being a little more responsible with my birth control.